Just a thought

She said,

There were many times in my life where I thought I deserved to win, if anyone deserved a victory, it should’ve been me. But rarely has life been on my terms, even if it was me who has had to walk this path.

You see, I was prepared to win, but I wasn’t prepared to handle the victory, and Daddy never sends anyone unprepared.

We are worn, torn, scratched, let down, suppressed and shackled, but if you’re willing to recognize the beauty in these hardships, you will realize how they become your fuel, your discipline, and your motivation

Know this my dear, you will always need a certain level of darkness to see the stars shine, so don’t worry keep going, you are just in the process of adding more light to your brilliance.

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Work in Progress

I asked an artist for advice on how to get better at drawing and painting, and he only looked at me with that smile in his eyes and said ” Draw Everyday”. I looked at him like he was crazy ,thinking to myself ” Man I don’t have enough time to breathe, talk less of drawing everyday, give me advice that’s actually helpful.

I was wrong…..aaand its not the first time

It seems to be the only way out. I didn’t really take it to heart, until ofcourse I heard the same sentiment shared by GD from Big Bang from the time he was on Happy Together.

I guess GD was more convincing, and it kind of sort of made sense to me when GD said it ( cause He’s GD and all)  and all of last year I decided to relentlessly, stupidly pursuing this thing, not knowing if it would actually help me out or not. If not everyday, then every weekend, and slowly things  actually happened and the paintings were decent enough that I didn’t cringe as much as I used to before – meaning there was about a 5 % resemblance to what I was trying to draw, which is great, because there was a time, when I once tried to paint this dreamy scene of lanterns floating through the night and the brother was wondering why I was trying to draw feta cheese in the night sky… ( which should’ve been reason enough for me to quit.. but I persevered – phew!)

I was browsing through Bored Panda the other day ( its my favourite past-time, cause unlike Buzzfeed, they don’t say their articles will change your life.. stop trying to change my life Buzzfeed.. I am happy the way it is right now). In any case, they had artists post their artwork from when they initially started drawing and the artwork they have worked on recently and its really really amazing, you can see how far they have come.. Its really interesting to see- it will immediately make you think of your journey so far with the thing that you like to do.

Someone once said we always grow in levels, which is something I think is true, we always grow in levels, in relation to how much we know ourselves, and every level brings a greater awareness than before and after sometimes you get caught in that moment where you suddenly travel back to the day you first started and you look at what you are able to do now and it kind of amazes you.

It amazes me, it gives me goosebumps, not only with me, but when you look around, and you look around at the people in your life and you see them progressing and each day the light in their eyes grows bigger and bigger. There’s nothing like personal achievement, nothing like starting out knowing this thing you are attempting is bigger than what you are capable of and then years later the thing you thought you couldn’t do, comes as natural as breathing.

My paintings may not have much of an audience  except for the laundry guy, the water guy, the carpenter guy  who are forced to look at them hanging on our walls everytime they come home, and it may not change the world, or make someone feel anything, but to me it will always mean a moment in time, an expression of self, it will always be a memory and ability and progress.. and that’s good enough.

So if you suck now, remember that won’t always be the case, gradually you’ll suck less and then you be really good at it, that the laundry guy won’t cringe so much.

That’s the lesson of this post .. soo education and inspirational.

Anywhoo, here’s my progress

Age 21

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Unknown Dude ( 2011)

Age : 25

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Grandad.- Papa (2016)

What’s the one thing you are stupidly, crazily pursing?

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In Defense of Jung Hwan #TeamJungHwan Forever

I am impassioned, Impassioned and slightly ticked of. Ticked off enough to write this post, with the cursor roaming all over the screen because it is just as impassioned as me ( or maybe we are just having technical difficulties with the mouse .. not sure which )

In any case, back to my ticked-ness, I have just completed watching Reply 1988, or R88 as its known now, and I absolutely loved it, except for the 1 part – Great story ( except for the one story flaw), amazing Cast ( except for the one thing in the story ) and one delightful OST ( except for the part where you know what happens in the story) and fantastic writing ( except for that one part)

*SPOILERS* Proceed with caution, although at this point, I am sure everyone knows what just happened, and literally that’s the expression that everyone who has been following this drama is walking around with.. What Just Happened. ( retreats to corner…cries)

I would’ve posted my rage and my anger and my heartbreak on one of the drama forums, only I am ever so slightly worried of the other people coming at me, so for my safety and sanity I will post it here.. in the privacy of my very public blog ( I am sure it will be fine)

Jung Hwan.. This guy , this fictional character that cannot just be real, but goodness me, I wish he was, because he would be an amazing person in real life. I think the reason he has so much appeal is because RYJ played him so well,  and he seems soo relate-able and of course never in the 20 Eps, did you ever feel like he was the second lead, so it was surprising that this drama turned out the way it did

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Husband Hunt aside, I loved the way this character was written, and among all, I think it was something very special. With his sense of loyalty and love for family- one that always came before everything else.

Somehow where other people saw hesitation and thought him to be a coward, I think his loyalty and friendship with CT was more important to him, enough to let go of the one thing he wanted.- He had that courage, He had that Big a heart ( I know he is a fictional character, but it didnt’t feel like that at all)

We are like that sometimes, even if everything tells you Do what you wish, and forget about everything else, follow your heart, at times its impossible to, because you are not at the same wave length as the world, and no one can entirely know  or understand your motivations .. sometimes we cannot always go after what we want.

JH was written so delicately, rough and course on the surface, inexpressive and complicated, but underneath it all, he has a gentle side to him, that cannot just help escape his whole facade and I guess that’s why everyone was rooting him, he seemed the obvious choice, and it was heartbreaking to see how it all turned out to be.

I wish he got the girl, and till the last minute I hoped for some kind of mega plot twist, but we didn’t get any. It was painful because everything was leading to that one obvious conclusion, and we didn’t get it.

Its more heartbreaking than How I met your Mother ending, and even though I cannot understand why writers like to torture their own characters and their audience so much, I do accept this is their story and its going to be the way it is.

I guess we still get SWBR as a consolation, and even though its not what we were hoping for, its better than nothing because it was all JH and DS were supposed to be *aggresive crying*

I loved the series though, considering the fact that I wasn’t even planning to watch it, not after hearing all the laments of R94, but it got me, from the very first scene, this drama got it, and it held my attention for all of the 20 eps. This writer is incredible in the way we are made to feel things and relate to situations we’ve never experienced before. I thought R97 ( my favourite of all three) was most familiar, but it was R88 that really really touched me, because it was like going back to my childhood, to the neighbourhood I spent the first 5 years of my life , and now living in a city very far from my home country , it made me realize all things I had missed, but it gave me a chance to relive that and its probably for that very reason , I’ll keep coming back to this drama, like coming back home from a vacation.

Of to marathon R88… #TeamJungHwan

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Starting 2016

I like hearing people talk about their stories & their histories, incredibly they are never what you imagine them to be. We somehow always tend to judge people from the way they look and the way they seem and unfortunately from others opinions.
Some of the best people in this world are rough as sand paper, they look weird, they talk weird, but there is an undeniable sense of wisdom in them that transcends all of that. They look forgettable, but they are anything but that.
Its where respect is born.

In this part of the world, as great as it is, as luxurious and as grand as it has become, it not too difficult to see people struggling to survive, barely scrapping through.
I was talking to one of the project heads at my workplace ( he was talking.. I was listening ) and he was telling me of when he just started out, and the difficulties people have faced as a new expat, and it seems everyone has the same story, and yet it never gets old, partly because its a story of endurance and crazy faith and also partly because its something everyone has gone through.

You come to this city full of hope and a million worries on your mind, you are lost and alone, each day harder than the previous, and it seems like you always have more people to support than you are able to. You live in a house with other strangers and soon those strangers become the first among many people you will share this journey with. You work morning to night fueled by the sense of duty. There are days you don’t have money to eat, or call home. The streets are all crowded but you are overwhelmed by the sense of loneliness, but you keep going.
And after a few years of doing this again and again, you get your chance, you get your shot, a door opens, if only for a second and once you walk through and your life changes.
We’ve gone through the same struggle, for eight-nine years and I’ve always been reluctant to acknowledge it before, but if I am anything today, if there is any fire in me, or any hunger in me, it is because I’ve locked eyes with desperation, hardships and sacrifice. Its made me who I am, its showed me what Family it and it has taught what life is. Its no wonder, then that the people who go through such are always thankful for the experience- its takes a certain darkness to see the stars, it takes a certain desperation to see the grand-ness of being alive.
In the end, Human endurance always wins.. and it seems God always honors the person who works hard.

Its how I plan to go through this year, sincerity and hardwork, Now seems to be the good time to do that and years later, I hope to have my scars and my trophies to prove that I didn’t live the same year 70 times over and it all counted for something.

Happy New year ( 16 days too late.. 🙂 ) .

How’s the New Year treating you?

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The Block

Sometimes I find it difficult to write, to put thought to paper, it’s even harder to paint. So you change the paper, find different pens, try changing the playlists, try writing or drawing at different times than when you used to do, previously, but nothing works.
Sometimes in life you find yourself in a place where you cannot write, or draw or play or do the things that you were used to. The words that come to you are inadequate, the paint that flows of your brushes dull, the strings on your guitar alarming.

Creativity and the process therein becomes arduous, and tedious with the inspiration and the will to do anything about it eluding you.
I guess that’s what you call a block, a place where the future path is so well hidden it’s seems like an end, but really its only a pause in time, only your frustration never really let’s you see it that way, knowing that it’ll take all your patience and all of your courage to stand at that spot waiting for the mist to clear.
Not being able to write, or draw or play is like having your close friend go away, and you’re patiently waiting, because you have this ocean of words and ideas, and images you want to show her, but you have to wait, wait until she gets back .
It’s in the waiting and in the faithfulness of your waiting, that you will find your harvest.

People say at times like these, its best to keep working, its best to remove all the dirt and run it out, until the good stuff starts bursting forth. Put in your hours, and and what you want will come back to you.

It’s a hard process,‎ a rebellion against nature, because everything you do seems to be in vain, it has no real meaning, and no significance, but it’s only in doing, and in trying, you flush out all the frustration, like the monsoon season, washing away the exhaustion, the repetition, the grease; washing out the corners of your soul, so that one day, once that is over, you can start anew.
I guess that’s what we need,‎ this is why you have to go through such processes,because ultimately its not the end of the road, just a revelation of a new one.

– The Amber Rose Diaries

Here’s to the waiting

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