Last week I completed 6 months at my new Job, this is sort of ridiculous because I never thought I would even last a week.
There are some people who switch jobs every 2 months and somehow master everything there is in it and the next day they are promoted and suddenly made partners and what not., sadly that doesn’t seem to be the case with me. I am not as badass as I originally thought myself to be.
When I first started I thought, this is going to be great, I am going to be great at this, I already know the job, … its only logistics and shipping. I’ve already done this for 2 and a half years.
What could possibly go wrong… that was the first day, when I hadn’t even set foot in the office.
Asking a question of what could possibly go wrong was the first wrong step, because somehow it became an open challenge to the universe and boy it responded with much enthusiasm and proved to me just how much can go wrong and how fast it would take me there.
In a matter of days I was like a person stranded out in the sea, in one of the busiest shipping lanes In the world and nothing to hold on to ( fancy logistics jargon… )
It’s only when you are put in a situation like that do your fears all suddenly surface.
Fear of failure, fear of selling out, fear of strange bosses, of large photocopy machines, of complex coffee makers and the most dreaded.. fear of making calls ( why are you calling me, when you can just send me an email)
but amidst all of this, you find helpers, you find the lifeline, you find anchors that keep you afloat
Initially I went in to work everyday thinking this is my last day here, no question about it, this is the day they will ask me to leave and never return in a million years, but as time went on the fear of failing seems to have become less, now I only console myself every 15 days, as opposed to the daily routine I had.
In all of this, I’ve found myself, made friends and some not so friendly friends, made mistakes, paid for them, solved problems, found my independence and found the joy of doing my job, of being in love with logistics and shipping, of facing the problems, because each problem I faced, revealed me, taught me, strengthened me. I like the complexity, I like the pressure, I like the purpose of doing this, uncomfortable as it may seem at times, its something I’ve come to enjoy.
It has taught me not to limit my ability just because something looks so complex and impossible
Not to draw lines and categorize people so quickly, because some people are really not as transparent as we think
It has taught me humility.. again and again, just when you underestimate a situation or a person..wham! You get hit by someone or something proving you wrong
It has taught me loyalty, friendship and chasing print outs that some other guy has taken from the printer
But mostly it has taught me a lot about myself, of how far I can go, of what I am capable of, like everyday I am getting to know myself better.
From a person who was terrified of change, I’ve become one who is now considerably less terrified of it ( that’s still progress)
I suppose I still have a long way to go and we’ll see how long I’ll last but till then I’ve a lot to learn, a lot to explore, and everyday I wake up to go to work the words of Misaeng resound in my ears:
And I am raring to go..
Here’s to new jobs and scary photocopy machines..