Terms of Endearment

When you’ve worked in Customer Service for as long as 153 years, 7 months, 5 days, 18 minutes and 3 seconds ( such as I have.. obviously ) you understand the differences between what people say and what people mean. It’s the art of using conversation Filters particular to the customer service executives

1. Dear
When people address you as Dear, that translates to the corporate version of “Bro” or “Dude” or more recent revision of Bro “Bruh”, which I find really hilarious.
In a perfectly hip world with cool offices that have Burlap decorations and fancy coffee stations and Roller coasters ( I really want a Roller Coaster) people can just call each other Bros and High five each other all the time.
That is an ideal world. We don’t live there, and so we have to make do with calling each other Dear.
Got that Dear?

2. Darling
This one is scary. Usually used by older women to intimidate/condescend/provoke/scare the living daylights from younger women.
I strongly oppose and shiver like an earthquake when I am called Darling, its like Dracula trying to give you free Oreo Ice Cream but you know in your heart, and your soul and your gut and your bones and every other part of you and the universe that has a capacity for awareness, that its going to end very badly.
Its like being invited to a cool party and then being asked to pay for everything.
When you are called Darling, bring your money with you, you will pay.. through your teeth and nose and all your inheritance.

3. Sweetheart
Sometimes the corporate world can be a bit merciful, especially to this 24-year-old who has made tons of mistakes/errors and misjudged situations, mercy is something I appreciate and I am truly grateful for. There are some days, when you just lose it, or you can be soo overcome with the confusion of it all, when your hack-ness is all revealed, it’s a miracle when someone sits you down and re-assures you that you are not going to be fired.
I’ve somewhat grown to the whole concept of employment and working and a Paycheck, so these are moments I really need in my life….like a lot and I love them as much as Fergie says Babies love blankets, which I imagine are a lot, because I love them alot

4. SABRINA! (!x12)
It’s never good when someone calls you by your name which is ironic, because you are supposed to be called by your name. Its your identity, but nothing ever good comes out of a situation where your someone yells your name in BOLD CAPITAL LETTERS WITH 12 EXCLAMATION POINTS. It’s just means you’re in trouble sister/Mister
One such days, the only wise thing would be to pack your bags and hit the road… to Siberia

5. MRS
If you are married, then this is a sign of respect. If you are single, this is a sign of faith, a way of addressing someone who in the future will be a MRs Somebody.
That’s cool too, better than Darling.
In fact anything is better than darling…Seriously anything and everything is better than darling. (Please Don’t call me Darling)

Aside from this, there is this term of endearment that is being increasingly used among the Female Folk: Babes
Not even babe, or Baby, but Babes. We are all guilty of this, calling each other BABES. Of all the words in the English language and all the possible combination of words that can be used to address someone, this has to rank among one of the worst. It always feels like I am about to embark on some criminal activity or maybe being called this somewhat makes me want to engage in some criminal activity, I don’t know, but from today I am taking a stand never to called and sure as sunrise never to be called “BABES”

Maybe I should settle for dear then.

Here’s to people and to never addressing each other as Babes .. Also please don’t call me Darling

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