The thing about reading celebrity news is that it invokes my sense of sarcasm and condescension that is deeply deeply satisfying.
But what if My life were a series of tabloid-esque headlines.
If it were, it would be read something like this.
1. SABRINA GETS UP 6, SAYS LIFE’S GOOD BUT HATES HER ALARM
Spokesperson for Sabrina not amused, says she/he wishes she had a more interesting client to represent.
2. PURPOSEFULLY EMPLOYED, SABRINA SHOCKS PEOPLE BY DEFYING 20-SOMETHINGS STEREOTYPES BY BEING A PRODUCTIVE HUMAN BEING
Spokesperson expresses disbelief, says things like “No kidding, however did that happen ?”
3. SABRINA FEELS COLD, WEARS CARDIGAN, NO ONE CARES
Spokesperson for Sabrina wishes to be replaced, cannot imagine why she/he has to even respond to such mundane events in client’s life
4. SABRINA LOOKS AT RANDOM PERSON ON METRO, NO ONE NOTICES, NOT EVEN THE RANDOM PERSON
Spokesperson reports Sabrina’s exact comments were ” Thank goodness, that was another awkward conversation I avoided”
5. SABRINA GROOVES TO MUSIC ON METRO, NO ONE CLAIMS CULTURE MISAPPROPRIATION
Spokesperson for Sabrina says “I am disappointed and sad because all I wanted to do was be cool again” .Spokesperson added, that no one claimed Culture Misappropriation because it was the ” worst dancing I have ever seen, and no one in all of civilization would ever want to be associated with such”
6. SABRINA SAYS NO TO BUNGEE JUMPING
Bungee Jumping enthusiasts not amused, plan to protest and sue.
Spokesperson for Sabrina has no knowledge of this and frankly doesn’t care.
7.SABRINA WISHES SHE HAD MORE TIME FOR KDRAMA
After yet another successful drama watching phase, Sabrina plans to watch all of Seo In Guk and Lee Seung Gi’s Drama, twice if need be.
Spokesperson just happy she/he will get some time off.
8. SABRINA TRIES TO LEARN G-CHORD ON GUITAR, BYSTANDERS COVER THEIR EARS
Bystanders join hands with the Bungee Enthusiasts to ban Sabrina from any recreational activity ever.
Spokesperson doesn’t care, says they can do whatever floats their boat, asks if they need someone to represent their cause.
9. SABRINA SEEN EATING ORANGES, DOESN’T SPARK OUTRAGE OVER CHANGE TO A HEALTHIER DIET
Spokesperson who is not close to her, neither is being paid,face palms himself/herself, cannot understand what went wrong with her/his career choice and how to get rid of current job, contemplates leaving Earth for Mars
10. SABRINA THINKS NEW BLOG POST ” TITLED : MY LIFE IN TABLOID SPEAK ” IS AWESOME
Spokesperson denied bid to join the Mars programme, considers going and living in exile in order to get rid of “disillusional client”
Sometimes its good to make fun of yourself and be silly.. Just ask my spokesperson
What would your life- tabloid headline be?
Here’s to my spokesperson, to being silly and not taking everything too seriously