How not to talk to Children **

** No advice/tips/morals/inspiration included, please bring your own

There are many things I excel at, like watching Binge Watching, Binge reading ( that is a thing), Sarcasm, working, spending money and staying away from other people, and then there are things I am absolutely terrible at : Giving Directions, saving money, remembering people and as I’ve just found out : the ability to talk to children.

Thank goodness it isn’t a marketable skill, and it isn’t a part of my Job or current life requirements, but having said that I am a little bit disappointed that I have no conversation ability with Kids.
Why? because there are illusions that we live with, unconfirmed guesses that should remain guesses, and when that illusion shatters, it’s another thing to be concerned about.

Take for example Bungee Jumping. I am pretty certain that I would be good at it, in my mind there is nothing hard about it, tie rope to waist, jump down in sheer stupidity ,balanced on the foundation of peer pressure and not thinking things through ( because that would be the only reason I would Bungee Jump).
What I don’t want to do is test that theory, because I know it would not fare well.

Like with bungee Jumping, I thought It would be with Kids. I was convinced that I was good at it, until A kid said “Hi”, and I gracefully proceeded to lose all my cognitive skills ( It really was that, I forgot how to Human, No words, just air and a lot of staring )

My cousins are old enough and plenty enough that they don’t need much from Me ( Thank Goodness for that) , they are the candy crush kids, they don’t want conversation, they need a screen and lots of shining gems and things to swipe at, and when they get bored with that, they proceed to pull each others hair out, so it’s no talking , always be doing.
My part is just smile, observe, and move on with your life. I really like that.

However it turns out there are other children who talk and know the use of words and have these not-so-amazing question things, that make you question your own intellect and sanity ( For the last time, I don’t think its right for you to question why I don’t have a boyfriend, because as I’ve already informed you, Boys are disgusting! and we have to stay away from them… & Miley Cyrus)

But now all of this conversation has got me thinking, what do children like? What do they find interesting? is it ok to ask about their health, or about what they think about the economy? Is it ok to get their opinion on Buzzfeed articles or what team they are supporting in the World Cup or twitter trends ? Is it ok to smirk when they say they love One Direction and how that music is so revolutionary? Is it ok to tell them what revolutionary means?

There are way to many questions and not enough answers, I guess if all else fails we can talk about the weather and be done with it.

Here’s to life, and children, incessant questions and lots and lots of staring



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