Birthdays and Grandparents

For my 23rd birthday, this year,  I gave myself a ticket to go see my grandparents in Goa.
This ranks as one of the best decisions I have made however impulsive and spontaneous.

It was a special birthday, away from my friends,  and Facebook wishes,  calls and high and fancy and forced company, it was me sitting around with my family,  my grandma and granddad talking about the day I was born, reliving their memories, and the smiles burst out.  And when they look at me, I see the pride burning through, I see the hope in their eyes, and the love in every word they say.
My grandpa is bedridden and his speech is slow and slurred and he has no patience for anything, but on that day as I stood beside him, he just looked at me, every part of his being focused on me, and tears were in his eyes, in that moment he said so much without saying anything.

Somedays when I forget where I come from, and who I am and if I can go on, I think of them, and I remember I come from a family that stubbornly loves each other, who have super strength to weather everything, we have pride but only because we work hard to achieve our goals, we help people unconditionally,  and we never give up on each other no matter how deep in the rut the situation or the person maybe.

I return slightly heavier ( all thanks to my grandmother), completely burnt ( thanks to the crazy sunshine) but abundantly filled up inside

But it also with a very very very heavy heart, because this is home, this is where I spent my childhood, the mango trees,  the church around the corner, the waiting for the guys to bring bread in the evening and the sitting in the veranda watching rain and see nature reclaim the land.

Today is my last day here, and its excruciatingly painful, as leaving and separation always is.

And even though I’ve prayed for this day not to come, its here and in a few hours I’ll be on a plane taking me away from here, to somewhere I don’t want to be, living a life thats complicated and challenging, but I’ll be strong and not let one day ruin every other good thing that has happened to me in the last couple of days.

I just hope that if you ever have this unceasing urge to go see someone, to tell them that you love them, I pray that you are able to.

Here’s to birthdays and having the best grandparents
Sabrina Carvalho


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