If you are tired, Rest

If you are tired, Rest

The heat is back, and back in force. Funnily enough we are blaming the Feb- March rainfall for it. Weather predictions are all crazy these days, with sandstorms and high temperatures and we are even expecting some rain, which is weird at this time of the year, but its not something we will refuse. We could do with some rain, a lot of rain would be even better ( last time it rained, work was cancelled.. so you know why its a welcome prediction )

But its the vacation I am waiting for. Vacations  starts from the day you submit your leave application, and continues all the way you are back from your said vacation and have to return to work and start planning for the next one. Truth – The anticipation of vacation is always greater than the actual vacation, and you plan to do so many things, as though there are a 1000 days in a single day, sadly, the number of hours in a day remain the same throughout the year, vacation or not.

I read somewhere

” If you are Hungry, eat; if you are tired, Don’t complain, Rest and Pray always” .

Rest seems like such a simple thing to do, when its probably more satisfying to complain and whine and groan and cry about how tired you are, but there’s only so much your system can take, before you have a “check engine’ light going off on your body . With all this crazy technology, there’s no escape from work, someone is always calling about something, there’s always that email you have to answer and there’s always something pressing that needs your attention. I used to look at people carrying their laptop suitcase things to work and return late in the night and I used to take, what is this madness driving them, until  I realized that it was the same madness driving me.. the urgency of the moment, never having a cleared desk or an unread inbox. Dad and I did the calculation, of the 168 hours in a week, we work around 50 hours, and the rest 118 hours is just preparation and recovery for the hours worked, and that’s just a weeks calculation.

That’s crazy.

So rest, and go on vacation and talk about the weather, because sometimes you need to do crazy mundane things like that and turn your car into an art studio, cause its toooo hot to stand outside and draw

MAMZZAR 2016 2

Here’s to vacations ( 3 weeks to go)




Letter to the littlest of boys

To our Nathan,
With your tiny feet and ridiculous energy, you have become the darling of our family. We love you more than you love Tic Tac and neeenos. It’s been a long time we had someone who has exhausted us, our energy, our patience and logical thinking abilities, but you have done that and more.
You are a boy through and through and a very good one at that just like the other boys in the family. You are messy, and naughty, you are boisterous and can be quite a handful, but its your innocence that’s endearing. It’s the innocence we have sort of forgotten, the one where you jump into the ocean without worrying about anything, the innocence of making friends without second guessing, the innocence of trusting  people, knowing that everyone you see has God in them. Not to forget your love for sand and all that can be done with it



I pray you grow up to a world that helps you as well as holds you to the ground. I pray you know that happiness is fleeting, but to be content is what we live for. I pray that you know pain and disappointment, along with immeasurable Joy and everlasting Love and I pray that God gives you his Strength and guards you and protects you, guides you and uses you so that you may fulfil your purpose here, may he protect your heart from corruption and spoil and keep it as innocent and as beautiful as it is now.

For now, you are only 2 and a half years old, and your 1000 year old cousin sister, as old as she is,doesn’t know all that much about your ambulance neenos, but she knows what a blessing you are to all of us us how grateful we are to have you.
God Bless you

Here’s to the tiny brother


The only way to eat Crabs *

*With your hands..

Sometimes, when we eat, we eat for the energy and the nutrition, other times we eat, because we have a hunger of the soul, of imagination and of memory. Food is a great carrier of memory, imagination, a binder of relations, a cure for the broken heart, and strength for the body and the soul, a ritual and tradition.

In our home, we eat crabs maybe only just twice a year, but when we do, its feels like a festival, and you look forward to it every year, just like you do your birthday.

The best way to eat crabs is whole, cooked in richly spiced curry, just the way Ma makes it, the only real way to enjoy it, is with your hands, and fingers, with messy plates and messy shirts. It’s like a celebration, there are no side dishes, just plain steamed rice, and your giant humongous vessel of  big traditional Goan crabs, and a table full of your family. And After you’re done, you feel like you’ve just spent in the afternoon in the Goa,with its coconut trees, and the hot summer, just before the monsoon season, and you realize that even if you are far away from Home, Home has never really left you, and you can’t help but be thankful, and happy.

Here’s to life and a vessel full of crabs.


Traveling through the pages

When I was in school, I had this friend who had this fancy family that would tour all around the world every holiday, and I remember thinking to myself, when I got bigger – bigger than 12, I would make a lot of money and go see the world too, it seemed like the cool thing to do.
What we didnt’t have in money, we were blessed with books and imagination. Every occasion called for gifts that were stories bound by covers and had a lot of words in them, words that would take you to different worlds, and sometimes take you around this world.
That was the gift of reading, of imagining, of traveling without leaving home. My parents gave us books, by authors like Enid Blyton, Francis Hodgson, Victor Hugo, Jules Verne and story compilations- those 365 stories series, 365 fairy tales, 365 nature tales, 365 inventions… one story for every day, one adventure for every day, one unforgettable experience for every day.

My most favourite book, beside the giant Peter Pan book that I still have was 365 nature stories.
It was a journal of the world, filled with illustrations of birds and animals, seasons in countries I had never seen, of creatures I had never heard of.

My goodness how I miss illustrated books..

But it was where my fascination for drawing and of illustrations were born, and at the heart of it all, it still seems to inspire me today.

Time is always short when you have a book adventure you are have to go on, and time sure seemed short then, it seems so far away now.

Just 2 weeks ago, we packed all our Harry Potter books, gave it away to my Mother’s friends children, and I couldn’t help thinking that’s one  childhood being passed on to another. In those books, they will find their favourite parts, and they will discuss them, they will learn new words, and travel to different places, and those worn out pages will be the vehicle for someone else’s adventure… that’s the beauty of reading.

That makes me happy, for what is life without great stories

I may not have traveled or have any foreign country stamps in my passport, but I think I have already seen some of the world, and now that I am bigger than 12, I hope I get to see this wonderful world and write my own stories about it.

Here’s to stories, and illustrated books.


Blue Jay singature

Cycles and A Childhood

Cycles and A Childhood

Childhood memories always always have a bicycle in them, mine’s no different

The first bicycle I ever consciously remember riding was called StreetCat, it was a black and yellow bike which obviously should have been called a bumblebee or a wiz khalifa song, but this was way back in the 00’s, and songs made a little more sense then than they do now

Anywhoo, streetcat belonged to my aunt and sat in my grandma’s tool shed/scary room for a very long time, covered by co-webs and kept warm by chickens that made their home in that shady place. When I was 10, on vacation and a bother to all the adults , who didn’t know how to keep me occupied, I was sent to check on the chickens every half an hour. The chickens annoyed as they were, had no option but to accommodate me in their little world, but my attention was always on Streetcat.

It wasn’t long before my grandma saw the yearning and after much negotiations with the chickens and a not so delighted mother Hen, we managed to free streetcat from the clutches of the crazy chicks. StreetCat was not necessarily the most glamorous cycle, nor was it in the greatest shape, it was but a dream in the eyes of a 10 year old.

After a thorough cleaning, some chain fixing and greasing, convinced by my grandma, I climbed on that monster of a bike. As big as the bike the fishmonger rode, I couldn’t even touch my feet to the ground, which didn’t seem to worry any of my family members, but she took the time to teach me, holding me on one side and balancing on the red rock wall  or “durig” as we call it, afternoon after afternoon my grandma and I kept at it, until I could ride. It wasn’t anything extraordinary, but  at that time, it meant the world to me, and a way to see the world around me.

If in this life, if I ever achieve anything, if I do end up doing anything worthwhile it wouldn’t compare with that first feeling of riding that cycle, with my grandma watching me disappear down the road, a smile on her face.


Streetcat is in someone else’s custody now, it has become someone else companion, but for a brief 2 months, it was mine, and I don’t think anything can replace that. A dear friend asked my what was my childhood dream and I immediately said ” to have a cycle” when I asked him what his was, he replied the same thing. We are all the same, and all our memories seem to be the same, small and very very simple.

Thank goodness for the little things in life.

To Chickens, StreetCat, Childhood and my Grandma

edited Robin


Just a thought

She said,

There were many times in my life where I thought I deserved to win, if anyone deserved a victory, it should’ve been me. But rarely has life been on my terms, even if it was me who has had to walk this path.

You see, I was prepared to win, but I wasn’t prepared to handle the victory, and Daddy never sends anyone unprepared.

We are worn, torn, scratched, let down, suppressed and shackled, but if you’re willing to recognize the beauty in these hardships, you will realize how they become your fuel, your discipline, and your motivation

Know this my dear, you will always need a certain level of darkness to see the stars shine, so don’t worry keep going, you are just in the process of adding more light to your brilliance.


Work in Progress

I asked an artist for advice on how to get better at drawing and painting, and he only looked at me with that smile in his eyes and said ” Draw Everyday”. I looked at him like he was crazy ,thinking to myself ” Man I don’t have enough time to breathe, talk less of drawing everyday, give me advice that’s actually helpful.

I was wrong…..aaand its not the first time

It seems to be the only way out. I didn’t really take it to heart, until ofcourse I heard the same sentiment shared by GD from Big Bang from the time he was on Happy Together.

I guess GD was more convincing, and it kind of sort of made sense to me when GD said it ( cause He’s GD and all)  and all of last year I decided to relentlessly, stupidly pursuing this thing, not knowing if it would actually help me out or not. If not everyday, then every weekend, and slowly things  actually happened and the paintings were decent enough that I didn’t cringe as much as I used to before – meaning there was about a 5 % resemblance to what I was trying to draw, which is great, because there was a time, when I once tried to paint this dreamy scene of lanterns floating through the night and the brother was wondering why I was trying to draw feta cheese in the night sky… ( which should’ve been reason enough for me to quit.. but I persevered – phew!)

I was browsing through Bored Panda the other day ( its my favourite past-time, cause unlike Buzzfeed, they don’t say their articles will change your life.. stop trying to change my life Buzzfeed.. I am happy the way it is right now). In any case, they had artists post their artwork from when they initially started drawing and the artwork they have worked on recently and its really really amazing, you can see how far they have come.. Its really interesting to see- it will immediately make you think of your journey so far with the thing that you like to do.

Someone once said we always grow in levels, which is something I think is true, we always grow in levels, in relation to how much we know ourselves, and every level brings a greater awareness than before and after sometimes you get caught in that moment where you suddenly travel back to the day you first started and you look at what you are able to do now and it kind of amazes you.

It amazes me, it gives me goosebumps, not only with me, but when you look around, and you look around at the people in your life and you see them progressing and each day the light in their eyes grows bigger and bigger. There’s nothing like personal achievement, nothing like starting out knowing this thing you are attempting is bigger than what you are capable of and then years later the thing you thought you couldn’t do, comes as natural as breathing.

My paintings may not have much of an audience  except for the laundry guy, the water guy, the carpenter guy  who are forced to look at them hanging on our walls everytime they come home, and it may not change the world, or make someone feel anything, but to me it will always mean a moment in time, an expression of self, it will always be a memory and ability and progress.. and that’s good enough.

So if you suck now, remember that won’t always be the case, gradually you’ll suck less and then you be really good at it, that the laundry guy won’t cringe so much.

That’s the lesson of this post .. soo education and inspirational.

Anywhoo, here’s my progress

Age 21

Unknown Dude ( 2011)

Age : 25

Grandad.- Papa (2016)

What’s the one thing you are stupidly, crazily pursing?